Month: July 2011

This isn't a dating question, it's a general purpose question that also applies to dating:

If you call, and don't get an answer, you can:

• leave a voice message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• leave a text message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• (where applicable) send an email/IM/tweet/FB message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• keep calling until you get them – giving them no responsibility in getting back to you (assuming they screen calls)

Doing any one of the above is perfectly acceptable these days, though different women (or men for that matter) will have different preferred modes of contact.

As numerous other answerers have mentioned, calling in the context of dating is a good thing, generally. Leaving a message may or may not be desired, but in and of itself won't paint you in a negative light (unless you have very bad messaging skills: http://melodymaker.posterous.com… ).

No, the main problem is not the call, or the message, it's in expecting a timely response. Given the amazing crush of work, school, family, and friends, even the best intentioned potential date simply may not be able to get back to you very quickly. And, more importantly, if all you're working off of is a good conversation in a bar and a phone number, perhaps consider trying to replicate that experience 9 more times – a 10% call back rate should be seen as a success these days, and the more numbers you get, the more potential good dates that 10% will represent.

In contrast, if you repeatedly call the same person over and over, because getting even that single number seems like a big deal to you, then you'll either be 100% successful, or 100% failure… And the creepy persistence angle definitely leans more in favor of one of those options.

In short, when you call, leave some kind of message, because:

• it gives the other party control over how and when to respond – which you can then use to help gauge their interest in you;
• it gives them less latitude to claim that they didn't receive your call;
• it allows you to make a move, and help vent some of the excitement/energy at meeting someone new, and move on with your day

Note that last part: and move on with your day. Do not call back a second time, or a twentieth. The phone companies don't suck that much(*), and it's not helping your case to be 14 of her 16 missed calls.

And a brief note to call screeners – if someone puts in some effort to get to know you better, take it as a compliment. When possible, do try to reciprocate, even in rejection… It makes you bolder and more interesting/classy if done politely, and while it may initially sting the caller, they will be far less hurt and/or confused than the ones who seemed to hit it off with you and never hear back.

(* Okay, I lied, they do suck, a lot, but just not typically in terms of losing call logs/voicemails/etc)

The first time you call someone, should you leave a message or call back later?

There are two clear answers to this:

1. She must not only be called immediately, but she needs to be the one who puts her number in your phone, so you can verify the number works. If there isn't enough interest for this dorky parting game, there's not enough interest, period.
2. For the second call (okay, technically the first real call), the next day, and as others have well covered, with a generous attempt to accomodate both your schedules… Again, figuring out when she's free to take a call the next day gives you a few more things to squeeze from that initial conversation… Be subtle, but informed enough to know when to call.

How long are you supposed to wait to call a girl after she gives you her phone number?

This question is very similar to various reflections on "is using a groupon on a date a turn-off?"

In either case, there's a lot more contextual undercurrent that needs to be explored. Let's stick with the Zipcar example, though:

• Depending on where you live, owning a car may be a rarity, and thus there may be no expectation that a date will be picked up in one.
• It can be quite cool to be picked up in what is basically a "brand new" car, with all the latest features, and a cool remote entry system.
• If your date is "politically green", a Zipcar can be overtly attractive – so long as the use of a car is relevant to the date itinerary itself.
• If your date would write you off as cheap, or score you negatively for showing up in a Zipcar, I'd have a serious re-think about how great a match they are in the first place.

By and large, commoditized symbols of wealth like automobiles, watches, and Ed Hardy sunglasses speak to the lowest common denominators of attraction – financial security and the attendant access it provides to clubs/restaurants/other high end venues.

If you're just looking to score, you may well statistically be at a disadvantage for "scoring" compared to someone who purchased the same model car – but the variances from person to person, and the million other ways you can "blow it", especially with the shallow types who care a lot about what you drive, basically reduce the difference to mere background noise.

Try not to worry about it too much. If you can't escape anxiety over driving a rental (Zipcar or otherwise), then I would advise incorporating an exotic non-local accent and pretending to be from a far away country (which should both explain the Zipcar, and give them additional reasons to casually hookup with you).
(Photo from Student Exchange, © Disney, 1987)

Is it possible for me to pick up a date in a Zipcar – and still score?

Nope.

Ignoring all the case-specifics that would "clear you" – being homosexual, for example[*], it really just comes down to intent… And so long as you both have clearly communicated intentions with each other, there's really no issue. Weddings, even very formal ones, tend not to be too big on 'the rules' these days.

So long as he/she was allowed a +1 on the invitation, then any escort should be acceptable, so long as the other terms are met (a no children clause would, of course, make bringing the 8 year old nephew or kid brother along a faux-pas to say the least).

How easy it is for either of you to explain the situation, or even how much you feel explanations are needed, is far too contextual to get into here, and basically has nothing to do with general wedding protocols.

[* Based on the question's wording, a homosexual with an "opposite sex" date would be generally regarded as harmless all around. ]

Is it bad form to be the wedding date of a friend of the opposite sex if you are in a serious relationship with someone else?

With such a comparatively young and genetically fluid breed, there's a lot of variance in appearance, degree of expression of breed-standard behavior, and even personality that makes this question somewhat difficult to answer.

Then again, change the wording of the question to "What is it like to have a cat as a pet", and the same would largely be true. Cats, dogs, parrots – each pet is an individual, and the best a breed specification can give you is a "ballpark of possibility", rather than a "spreadsheet of expectation".

Specifically, though, Savannah cats tend to behave like a "tomboy cat that grew up in a house of, say, Great Danes"… They're tough, they play and greet much rougher than most cat breeds, and most of them really do behave a bit like they have some dog in them somewhere – attaching to one or more specific family members, and following them/curling up with them everywhere. Even the Savannahs that aren't very "dog-like" are much more social, and less desirous of "alone time" compared to the average house cat. Like most dogs, they like to be at the party, rather than just observing it from a safe distance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B…

Also, they leap. Not jump, leap. It's really a sight to see… Basically, give up on hiding/securing anything "out of reach" of a Savannah, because there is no such thing. This is also an issue outdoors – in many counties of California, for example, the maximum allowed fence height (without additional permits/permission from neighbors) is 6 feet – which admittedly won't stop most cats, but won't even slow down a Savannah.

Speaking of laws… As a hybrid breed, Savannahs are often a little trickier or more of a hassle to house in certain cities, counties, and states. For a basic 'feel' for how animal control will feel should they ever pick up your crafty escape artist, check out http://www.hybridlaw.com/, but also be sure to double-check with the local authorities and/or vets – sometimes the law and practical understanding/execution of the law can get slightly out of whack, and while you can be totally in line with the rules – it's really hard to resurrect a cat that's already been mistakenly euthanized, or to successfully sue those responsible.

I've also never seen or heard of a Savannah that hated water to the extent most cats do, and I've seen firsthand one who would intentionally hurtle itself into a full bathtub, cannonball-style (cat-onball?).

Beyond that, from the Savannahs I've met, and what I've read online about the breed, there really isn't a lot of common ground that isn't common to all other cats. The main thing is, whichever idiosyncrasies your individual Savannah expresses, it will express them to the Nth degree, including less desirable things like aggression/hostility (very rare from what I've seen/heard[†]), marking/scratching/eating your stuff (somewhat, er, less rare, shall we say).

If you're a dog person who married a cat person, the Savannah might be the perfect compromise… And if you're a cat person, there's really nothing to hold you back (unless you're also a bird person). Oh, right, except, you know, cost[*].

[* Unfortunately, last I checked, Savannahs of verifiable breeding still run from $1000 for a 6th+ generation "SBT" cat, right on up to $20K and beyond for "F1" generation cats with 50+% Serval in them. Think about that a bit the next time you're scoffing at that otherwise-cute tabby at the local shelter.]

[† Combine the social factor with the leaping and "roughness", and then just try to leave that cat alone in an apartment all day – imagine a cat that is much more prone to abandonment issues, who needs a "strong leader" to stay in line… In terms of the worst case scenario, they can be like the cat version of a pit bull, just at a much much higher price tag. There are more and less naturally aggressive or needy Savannahs, but in any case let's just say it's probably not a great "first pet" for someone who isn't able to give it the attention and direction that it deserves. ]

What is it like to have a savannah (cat) as a pet?