Month: July 2011

Everyone loves being approached, generally speaking. Give a cursory check for someone who looks intent on not being disturbed, and otherwise go ahead and give it a shot. All the more "showy" signs of interest (smiles, hair twirling, winks, etc) can be mistaken or unintended.

The number one reason why approaches fail is that they never happen.

There is no safe way to know whether someone is interested or attracted before you make the approach. There's also basically nothing to lose.

The idea that women want to reserve flirtation to a small minority of men who meet certain explicit criteria, that they send clear telepathic signals to in advance to confirm assent is… a crazy myth.

The number two reason why approaches fail is that they "don't go anywhere" after the initial ice is successfully broken.

The only reason why pickup artists have any "superpowers" in terms of approaching and getting numbers from/dates with women, is that they practice incessantly, approach everyone they're interested in, and have a plan. It doesn't need to be elaborate, or a misogynist NLP hypnotic trick.

Just have a few good stories saved up, a joke or two, some upcoming events you can mention or even invite her to, and the ability to genuinely listen. That's it! Oh, and the 3 second rule (approach within three seconds of noticing her/making eye contact for best effect) is pretty good, too.

Good luck!

What are some ways a girl will let you know she wants you to approach her?

Best bets:

• don't worry about maybes, enjoy what is while it is.

• take things slow if you're very concerned about it being a problem.

• communicate your concerns and fears with her in a non-confrontational manner.

• keep in mind: no one will leave for someone else's best qualities, rather they maybe find someone to help escape your worst qualities.

Be the most healthy, attractive, smart, well-rested person you can be, always. That's the one tactic that will work the best.

How can you be sure that your girlfriend/wife will not leave you for a richer and more handsome man if the opportunity arises, even though she claims to love you?

I was asked to give an answer, and I'm providing two: one that directly addresses the request for a "pick up line", and one that may address the larger issue of expressing interest in, and building attraction with, someone with Asperger's Syndrome.

Pick up line: "I dunno anything about Asperger's, but those buns sure look well done to me."

General tactic: you can think of Asperger's Syndrome as just sitting near a behavioral/cognitive extreme, or perhaps more accurately at several extremes for various aspects of personality. The normal rules apply, it's just that some of the rules apply "double".

In relating with and connecting to people with Asperger's Syndrome, the number one element that works is this: a very deep understanding of Asperger's Syndrome, to the point where you can start differentiating between what is pathologic, and what is simply a personal quirk of your love interest.

As for how best to approach and attract specifically, the consensus seems to be a combination of the following:

• knowledge
• patience
• tolerance
• independence
• self-confidence
• flexibility (of mind and opinion – though I'm also convinced that being able to visually inspect one's own butt has a pretty universal appeal)
• patience
• clarity/simplicity (of focus, communication, you name it)
• patience
• patience, again!

You may start to notice a theme or pattern above, namely that pursuing a relationship with an Aspie requires a lot of patience, and I might even say a sort of "detachment" – to outcomes, expectations, and anxiety.

If being in a relationship is part of what makes you whole, then you won't be able to tolerate some of the treatment you are likely to receive over time… And indeed your object of interest may find YOU to be less interesting, as well.

Tactically, I'd recommend simply focusing on your mutual interests and aptitudes, and crafting several "no strings invitations" to events/activities she's likely to enjoy on her own.

Never try to pawn something off as "merely friendly", in the hopes of becoming more later – what is normally just pathetic may come off as genuinely dishonest, or even confused. Similarly, the example pickup line written above is actually a terrible one to use with an Aspie. Unless, of course, they are also obsessed with wordplay (in which case they'll probably simply miss that you're hitting on them)

Instead, make it clear that you are interested, but that you're also happy to share these adventures regardless of outcomes. And, most importantly, make sure that it's actually true.

What are the best pick-up lines to use on a woman who has Asperger's Syndrome?

Just like most relationship issues, the best course of action is to clearly and non-violently communicate your desires – that you need more time to resolve your issues around your breakup, and would appreciate the time/space required to do so.

You're not telling her to jump off a bridge, just that by trying to "force" a smooth friendly post-breakup relationship isn't working for you. It's possible, or even likely, that you'd be open to such interaction in the future, but in order to get there, you need her to focus on her other relationships and responsibilities for the time being.

Now, asking for space is not the same as having your request honored. If she's unable to respect your point of view, then you will need to more actively cut her out of your life, even if that means taking various "anti-stalking" measures (new phone number/email/address if necessary). It really depends on the severity of the issue… I'd err on the side of caution and protecting your own emotional health, especially as the "dumpee".

Still, in most cases, a genuine and heartfelt request for space will be appreciated and observed. You may even score a few attraction points with someone else viewing from the sidelines – Handling a breakup well is a sign of high emotional intelligence, and women tend to like that in a partner.

What should I do about my ex-girlfriend who dumped me and won't get back together with me, but won't stop talking to me?

Too late! Everyone is already experiencing numerous relationships of all different types – friendships, coworkers, bus mates, team members, etc.

What is important in each of these relationships is not a state value (in the querant's case, marriage), but rather the underlying understanding between participants in any given relationship, and how well those expectations match.

I'm reading a lot into this question that isn't being said, but assuming the question is about romantic/sexual relationships before marriage, then the answer is simply "if that's what works for everyone involved, go for it!"

Additional details would be most appreciated if I'm missing the point, but the last things you generally want to do in any type of relationship are base your satisfaction on the expectations of others (especially those outside the relationship itself), and use assumptions and past personal experience as a guide over simply communicating and negotiating a successful relationship in. More active and intention-based fashion.

Should one enter a relationship without intending to get married?