Day: August 1, 2011

Feelings are perceptual, and thus always real to the person feeling them.

Actions, however, are pretty much real to everyone who experiences or is affected by them – and either or both females' own reciprocal feelings may certainly change or even become less "real" as a result of the action (cheating) mentioned.

If a guy cheats on his girlfriend with his ex, does he not have real feelings for either girl?

I won't recommend giving up at work, but it really is hard to overcome those prior impressions. Take it from me – I survived a workplace demotion from department head to line worker, and slogged through another year with the same company before I had fully recovered.

Two points of attack I would suggest:

• A concerted effort to put on that "new face" to any new employees who come on board – they will likely make a lot of their own decisions before they completely trust their peers/boss' assessments in general, and especially about coworkers outside their team/department.
• Focus the high energy/excitement/passion work outside the workplace. Volunteer with an SPCA or the like. Take cooking classes. Whatever you do, make it something you'll be likely to keep up with even when things get a bit busy/stressful… These outside activities also expand your network, and give you much needed "filler" on the resumé in many cases. Look around you, I bet you can think of a few coworkers who even reference such interest – artwork or handicrafts in their work areas, the occasional girl scout troop cookie drive, or a big dish of something to share in the lunchroom. Having outside interests is a demonstration of high value (DHV – a pickup term, ack, but let's run with it!), and being able to demonstrate value in one field has various potential transfers to other areas. At the very least, it gives people a non-work-related reason to talk to you at work – and sometimes your impressions of what people think about you and your productivity/skills/potential are entirely driven by work experiences. Being able to moderate those interactions with more neutral topics helps you not get caught in a negativity spiral that is otherwise very very difficult to escape.

Just doing those two things consistently, or even combine them (bring a plate of cookies to each new employee when they first start out – then they appreciate you, and can let everyone else who drops by for one know where they got them), and you should start noticing your energy and enthusiasm rising again, to the point where you'll be getting better assignments/involvement/support where you are, or at least feel better about looking for a new role in a new organization.

How do I recover professionally from depression?

Never having told someone how they really felt, at a time when it would've made the most difference.

What do people regret most before they die?

Disorganization. ADHD. Not getting enough sleep. Wild mood swings. Crushing self doubt. Lack of willpower. Too many talents, not enough time. Having no answers and no illusions that they'll ever materialize.

All that, and still somehow getting out of bed each morning.

Diane Sawyer is standing in front of you with a microphone. She is doing a special on world class leaders, and you have been asked to tell 40 million viewers your point of view on what makes a great leader and how you embody these principles. What would you say?

A few additional remedies not previously mentioned:

• Get a big dog – if your girlfriend isn't "live-in", then it'll help to have someone else flopping around on the bed while she's away through acclimation, and possibly give you a good excuse to spend more dates that end "at her place", but which still require you to go home afterwards to "walk the pup".
• Get another bed – Seriously, if she is secure in your relationship, then having the option to sleep separately so you can get better rest won't offend her, and she may appreciate your less-crabby self in the mornings.

I know you said you don't want to stop sleeping with her, but if left unchecked, lack of sleep can start to cause real distance or animosity in relationships. If you truly love her, do not let your girlfriend be your excuse for why you can't get a good night's sleep.

I'm having trouble getting restful sleep while my girlfriend is in bed with me. I don't want to stop sleeping with her. What are some ideas for getting better sleep?