Day: August 7, 2011

You might want to direct your eyes upward, to the tags for this question – specifically "Social Proof" and "Acceptance".

For social proof, you can validate yourself with someone else by showing that you have value to, and relationships with others that they might want to meet/learn from/exploit/etc. This is really really easy to do as a practice – get to know everyone. Fill your days with people, old and new. Just check in for the hell of it. Ask for help. Offer your own assistance. Just be. Remove your own expectations for desired results, and pretty soon all your validation worries will be long gone.

It's also important that you learn to accept yourself, and more accurately that you do so while refusing to be resigned to being just what you are now. There's actually a pretty good discussion of this principle on the question: The Big Questions: Does self-acceptance limit your potential?

How can I stop searching for social validation?

Swoosh her aside with your arms, while screaming "GET OUT OF MY WAY, WOMAN, THERE ARE LIVES AT STAKE!" Must keep your head locked in the same position/viewing angle the whole time, and look as if you're in a rush.

This technique is somewhat less effective while seated at a table.

What's the best way to react when a girl catches you staring at her chest?

Invitations.

Invite people to talk about themselves by providing them a safe forum to do so – be neither disinterested clockwatcher, nor obsessed interrogator.

Focus on "how can I be of service to this lovely human being", and then radiate that. If you aren't good at radiating, try thinking it, and then slowly exhaling the thought out your nose(*).

Other good invitations to use:

• Invite them to share their opinion on a subject dear to you (or them)
• Invite their assistance in some fairly trivial manner, like a parlor trick, or making sure you don't have toilet paper stuck anywhere you can't see.
• Invite them to contact you in the future, because you've had such a lovely chat – willingness to exchange contact info raises the bar on how highly you esteem them, which is often understood and reciprocated at some level.
• If things don't go well, invite them to speak with a friend of yours, who was "just talking about" some topic of interest to your 'dud' conversation partner.

Overall, just try to remember this: small talk is about engaging without offense… Hold back too much, and you won't ever engage.

(*Totally unscientific fact: Doing so releases subcommunicative pheremones that help convey your thoughts and wishes. Slow steady breathing also helps keep you calm and settled, which makes others feel more at ease. But, seriously, it's the pheremones. I promise.)

How do you improve your small talk?

I'd use the more common "surprise, we're pregnant, let's all be universally happy about it" party format as a template, and simply rework various divergent details/balloon colors appropriately.

In all seriousness, I'd focus on the guest list, and try to make sure you won't be pissing anyone off by preventing them from showering you with childhood anecdotes or photos carefully crafted or sourced over months prior, and of course, gifts you can exchange for cash.

Another issue to consider are flakes and no-shows – that is, people who will bow out of a cookout, who would fight God in his Heaven to attend your wedding. Er, reception.

Both of the above cases basically happened at my own wedding – we invited a bunch of people to a surprise birthday party for my mother, where the real surprise was that she was getting her most desired and most unexpected gift of all time. I had an awesome uncle who broke his hip skiing just a month before, and no matter how much pressure I carefully applied, I couldn't get him there without spilling the beans – and, unfortunately, tell one of my mother's siblings, and they all know within ten minutes… Anyway, I think he's still a bit peeved that he didn't get to come.

Overall, I'd say this: most people who elope or get married without a big to-do want the event to be about them, not all the weird family stuff. Give them this one day, and then give each other a lifetime without their meddling interference. It's a much better deal in the long run.

What ways are there to do a surprise wedding announcement?

http://www.japanballtickets.com/… looks fairly promising in terms of a simple solution requiring no assistance…

I must admit, the easiest methods are to either ask a Japanese friend who loves baseball to assist, or to use the concierge at a foreigner-friendly hotel. Difficulty level of either depends a lot on where you're staying, and which team(s) you want to see play.

Sellouts are… pretty rare, though – and scalping is far less common than in the West. It shouldn't be that difficult to get seats to any in-season game while you're there, unless it's during the playoffs. If you do go the hotel route, they are likely to suggest a whole tour package (especially in Tokyo), including door to door transport to and from your hotel, and possibly some other entertainment/meal/etc. Especially if you're travelling with some older or much younger tourists (elderly parents, children), such packages wind up being well worth it just for the hassle-free trip back.

What's the best way to get baseball tickets in Japan?