Author: Deano

The easiest answer is "ask again once you know yourself".

The biggest problem in relationships, by far, is trying to leapfrog self-awareness and understanding one's own needs, in favor of trying to be something to someone else, or get something from someone else that seems to be missing.

Now, that's not the same thing as "have no relationships until you've figured yourself out"… But, it is very important to not put too much effort into identifying faults and compatibility issues with others, until you're certain that you both:

(a) understand your own faults and issues completely, and

(b) are able to communicate these explicitly to a potential partner

If you can just do those two things, you'll likely have figured out the "real answer", which is that it doesn't matter if you NEVER figure them out, so long as you're happy with your shared relationship.

Put into a simple soundbite: It's hard to deal with the worst in others, if you can't find the best of yourself.

How long does it really take to know your significant other?

This isn't a dating question, it's a general purpose question that also applies to dating:

If you call, and don't get an answer, you can:

• leave a voice message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• leave a text message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• (where applicable) send an email/IM/tweet/FB message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• keep calling until you get them – giving them no responsibility in getting back to you (assuming they screen calls)

Doing any one of the above is perfectly acceptable these days, though different women (or men for that matter) will have different preferred modes of contact.

As numerous other answerers have mentioned, calling in the context of dating is a good thing, generally. Leaving a message may or may not be desired, but in and of itself won't paint you in a negative light (unless you have very bad messaging skills: http://melodymaker.posterous.com… ).

No, the main problem is not the call, or the message, it's in expecting a timely response. Given the amazing crush of work, school, family, and friends, even the best intentioned potential date simply may not be able to get back to you very quickly. And, more importantly, if all you're working off of is a good conversation in a bar and a phone number, perhaps consider trying to replicate that experience 9 more times – a 10% call back rate should be seen as a success these days, and the more numbers you get, the more potential good dates that 10% will represent.

In contrast, if you repeatedly call the same person over and over, because getting even that single number seems like a big deal to you, then you'll either be 100% successful, or 100% failure… And the creepy persistence angle definitely leans more in favor of one of those options.

In short, when you call, leave some kind of message, because:

• it gives the other party control over how and when to respond – which you can then use to help gauge their interest in you;
• it gives them less latitude to claim that they didn't receive your call;
• it allows you to make a move, and help vent some of the excitement/energy at meeting someone new, and move on with your day

Note that last part: and move on with your day. Do not call back a second time, or a twentieth. The phone companies don't suck that much(*), and it's not helping your case to be 14 of her 16 missed calls.

And a brief note to call screeners – if someone puts in some effort to get to know you better, take it as a compliment. When possible, do try to reciprocate, even in rejection… It makes you bolder and more interesting/classy if done politely, and while it may initially sting the caller, they will be far less hurt and/or confused than the ones who seemed to hit it off with you and never hear back.

(* Okay, I lied, they do suck, a lot, but just not typically in terms of losing call logs/voicemails/etc)

The first time you call someone, should you leave a message or call back later?

There are two clear answers to this:

1. She must not only be called immediately, but she needs to be the one who puts her number in your phone, so you can verify the number works. If there isn't enough interest for this dorky parting game, there's not enough interest, period.
2. For the second call (okay, technically the first real call), the next day, and as others have well covered, with a generous attempt to accomodate both your schedules… Again, figuring out when she's free to take a call the next day gives you a few more things to squeeze from that initial conversation… Be subtle, but informed enough to know when to call.

How long are you supposed to wait to call a girl after she gives you her phone number?

This question is very similar to various reflections on "is using a groupon on a date a turn-off?"

In either case, there's a lot more contextual undercurrent that needs to be explored. Let's stick with the Zipcar example, though:

• Depending on where you live, owning a car may be a rarity, and thus there may be no expectation that a date will be picked up in one.
• It can be quite cool to be picked up in what is basically a "brand new" car, with all the latest features, and a cool remote entry system.
• If your date is "politically green", a Zipcar can be overtly attractive – so long as the use of a car is relevant to the date itinerary itself.
• If your date would write you off as cheap, or score you negatively for showing up in a Zipcar, I'd have a serious re-think about how great a match they are in the first place.

By and large, commoditized symbols of wealth like automobiles, watches, and Ed Hardy sunglasses speak to the lowest common denominators of attraction – financial security and the attendant access it provides to clubs/restaurants/other high end venues.

If you're just looking to score, you may well statistically be at a disadvantage for "scoring" compared to someone who purchased the same model car – but the variances from person to person, and the million other ways you can "blow it", especially with the shallow types who care a lot about what you drive, basically reduce the difference to mere background noise.

Try not to worry about it too much. If you can't escape anxiety over driving a rental (Zipcar or otherwise), then I would advise incorporating an exotic non-local accent and pretending to be from a far away country (which should both explain the Zipcar, and give them additional reasons to casually hookup with you).
(Photo from Student Exchange, © Disney, 1987)

Is it possible for me to pick up a date in a Zipcar – and still score?

Nope.

Ignoring all the case-specifics that would "clear you" – being homosexual, for example[*], it really just comes down to intent… And so long as you both have clearly communicated intentions with each other, there's really no issue. Weddings, even very formal ones, tend not to be too big on 'the rules' these days.

So long as he/she was allowed a +1 on the invitation, then any escort should be acceptable, so long as the other terms are met (a no children clause would, of course, make bringing the 8 year old nephew or kid brother along a faux-pas to say the least).

How easy it is for either of you to explain the situation, or even how much you feel explanations are needed, is far too contextual to get into here, and basically has nothing to do with general wedding protocols.

[* Based on the question's wording, a homosexual with an "opposite sex" date would be generally regarded as harmless all around. ]

Is it bad form to be the wedding date of a friend of the opposite sex if you are in a serious relationship with someone else?