Q & A – Page 73 – deano.com

Deano’s answer to: “How would people react to a clinic that helped heterosexuals and bi-sexuals get rid of unwanted opposite-sex attraction?”

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Deano in Q & A

Being gay is just a coin flip that comes up heads every time. Straight is tails. And bisexuals? A more standard random flip distribution.

Discovering a therapy that helped change that coin flip to a different desired result misses the point entirely – that we are not who we fuck, or who we want to fuck.

All sexual identity and preference do are give promising hints at how much you are likely to enjoy an erotic encounter with each of your fellow 6950389928 space travellers (and says nothing about their reciprocated enjoyment, even when your self-perceived preferences are compatible).

Everything else – from powerlifting to showtunes to handbags to the LPGA – is really just a part of our desire for interpersonal resonance, non-familial community, and pure lazy fear of having to proactively express our own desires in a world that would be otherwise devoid of sexual assumption and pigeon-holing.

So, to get back to the original question – the initial reactions to such a therapy would basically be across the board as others have indicated, and generally not all that positive…

But after a generation or two? Imagine a typical US high school in which kids are mocked for being the offspring of a formerly gay father – by peers who are themselves the genetically-modified offspring of a lesbian couple… A society in which "passing" as gay, lesbian, bi, or straight has the same advantages and stigmas within industries and communities that used to (and in some cases, still) apply to things like race, religion, and cultural/ethnic background.

Simply put, any effort to apply the idea of scientific 'correctness' to societally-constructed norms around any form of human behavior is a hateful expression of intolerance, and a waste of time and money, period. What we really need is a therapy that replaces beliefs with questions – perhaps combined with an endorphin-rush at the search for, rather than the discovery of, any and all resultant answers.

How would people react to a clinic that helped heterosexuals and bi-sexuals get rid of unwanted opposite-sex attraction?

Deano’s answer to: “Why do women give positive encouragement to other women when they cut their hair short?”

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Deano in Q & A

None of these answers hits upon the simplest dynamic in the simplest way:

women compliment other women to be nice as a relational act.
men compliment women to show their approval as a value judgment.

So, if you're a woman, and you cut your hair short, you can perceive the following:

women who compliment your new 'do want to be your friend.
Men who compliment your new 'do actually like the hairstyle.

It really is that simple. As vast overly generalized stereotypes go, that is.

Why do women give positive encouragement to other women when they cut their hair short?

Deano’s answer to: “How can one tell if a women is flirting because she is really interested in a man or she is just leading him on?”

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Deano in Q & A

The biggest mistake this question makes is assuming that flirtation itself is a medium used to communicate interest.

Flirting is, and has been throughout history, more of a recreational mind-sport, and a way to give your fellow human beings the occasional ego boost to get them through their day. Everyone loves feeling attractive, and merely pointing out attractiveness should never be taken for more than that.

That all said, flirtation is often an opening indicator of interest in the US these days, primarily due to the proportionately higher chances that it will be mistaken for direct attraction… There are fewer and fewer playful flirters on the social scene these days – it's turning into a very rare breed indeed.

My overall advice on dealing with flirtation is simple: get thee to a flirtery! If you can't find an intro to flirting class nearby (there are tons of them in the San Francisco bay area, but I imagine it's not as common in, say, Idaho), or spend a few solid months living in the cultured deep South or Western Europe, then I recommend trying the following exercise:

For the next 30 days, every day, when you notice (not just see, but notice) someone, compliment them. Don't go overboard, or have too much intent for it to go further. Even just saying that someone has cool shoes, or a interesting hairstyle/accent/handbag/iPhone app is enough.

I recommend striving for at least 5 per day… The first week, feel free to include friends and family, but focus on strangers only from the second week onwards.

By the end of the month, you should be able to confidenty compliment everyone you see, even hundreds of people per day if need be, and your compliments will be seen as genuine. In truth, they probably will be, because you'll be far more observant of the world around you than you were before, and a lot less desperate for a particular response to your most casual of flirtations.

With that amount of skill and experience, it should be very easy for you to "flirt back" in response to an opening flirtation, and easily gauge whether you are merely playing a game of "compliment badminton", or if she's genuinely interested in taking things to the "Starbucks awkward coffee date" level with you. 😉

If you can't wait a full month, and you can check your pride, assumptions, and violent heterosexual rage, you can gain a similar amount of experience in around a week if you focus your efforts in local gay bars. 🙂

How can one tell if a women is flirting because she is really interested in a man or she is just leading him on?

Deano’s answer to: “Who is the best looking woman of all time?”

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Deano in Q & A

Given that she's been nearly to the big bang itself, and as far into the future as the 171st century, it's very likely that Tegan Jovanka* is the best looking woman of all time.