Category: Q & A

By and large, EVERYONE prefers the same thing: a friendly direct approach that expresses interest, without desperation.

The unfortunate truth is, in most rooms, it's too easy for a guy to assume a woman is smiling at someone else, or perhaps smiling at something she finds "funny" in a non-complimentary way. In fact, most of the men I've worked with have, at one point or another, been mis-cued: they thought they were being smiled at, when the woman was actually looking over their shoulder at someone else. 

I'd say if you're interested, you've got nothing to lose by approaching a man you're interested in – except perhaps another dateless Saturday night. 😉

Do single men prefer to be directly approached by a woman, or do they prefer a smile from across the room?

This is actually pretty simple:

• Be interesting enough in your own right to merit an approach to begin with – you can be a perfectly average LOOKING guy in the coffee shop, but maybe you're reading a treatise on "The Effects of Polluting the Pacific Gyre on Sealife" on your Kindle the same day a "Women in Marine Biology Symposium" is happening right around the corner.
• Provide an easy, no-pressure "invitation" for her to approach – in the example above, it's the book/article, but if could be as simple as a funny T-shirt, exotic piece of jewelry, or other visual/passive form of "peacocking"… On the active side, perhaps you can succeed at winning over the crowd on karaoke night (or, conversely, fail with extreme gusto).

The key is not to show some "generic flash" of money/wealth, but to provide her an excuse to walk up to you from across the room to say "hi" without any awkward assumptions of romantic interest, that clearly corresponds to one of your own talents/interests/passions.

That way, the women approaching you will already be "tuned in" to you on some level, and the initial spark of conversation you have will be much less nerve-wracking/pressure-filled.

Don't try to keep the conversation going until it runs out of gas. When things seem to be going really well, excuse yourself (even if just for a bathroom break), and suggest continuing the conversation again at a later date… Get a phone number, email, facebook, etc, before you turn from "the hot guy who remembers my favorite 80s cartoon" into the "creepy guy obsessed with old 80s cartoons".

What are the easiest ways to get a woman to hit on you?

The easiest answer is "ask again once you know yourself".

The biggest problem in relationships, by far, is trying to leapfrog self-awareness and understanding one's own needs, in favor of trying to be something to someone else, or get something from someone else that seems to be missing.

Now, that's not the same thing as "have no relationships until you've figured yourself out"… But, it is very important to not put too much effort into identifying faults and compatibility issues with others, until you're certain that you both:

(a) understand your own faults and issues completely, and

(b) are able to communicate these explicitly to a potential partner

If you can just do those two things, you'll likely have figured out the "real answer", which is that it doesn't matter if you NEVER figure them out, so long as you're happy with your shared relationship.

Put into a simple soundbite: It's hard to deal with the worst in others, if you can't find the best of yourself.

How long does it really take to know your significant other?

This isn't a dating question, it's a general purpose question that also applies to dating:

If you call, and don't get an answer, you can:

• leave a voice message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• leave a text message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• (where applicable) send an email/IM/tweet/FB message – putting the ball in the other person's court,
• keep calling until you get them – giving them no responsibility in getting back to you (assuming they screen calls)

Doing any one of the above is perfectly acceptable these days, though different women (or men for that matter) will have different preferred modes of contact.

As numerous other answerers have mentioned, calling in the context of dating is a good thing, generally. Leaving a message may or may not be desired, but in and of itself won't paint you in a negative light (unless you have very bad messaging skills: http://melodymaker.posterous.com… ).

No, the main problem is not the call, or the message, it's in expecting a timely response. Given the amazing crush of work, school, family, and friends, even the best intentioned potential date simply may not be able to get back to you very quickly. And, more importantly, if all you're working off of is a good conversation in a bar and a phone number, perhaps consider trying to replicate that experience 9 more times – a 10% call back rate should be seen as a success these days, and the more numbers you get, the more potential good dates that 10% will represent.

In contrast, if you repeatedly call the same person over and over, because getting even that single number seems like a big deal to you, then you'll either be 100% successful, or 100% failure… And the creepy persistence angle definitely leans more in favor of one of those options.

In short, when you call, leave some kind of message, because:

• it gives the other party control over how and when to respond – which you can then use to help gauge their interest in you;
• it gives them less latitude to claim that they didn't receive your call;
• it allows you to make a move, and help vent some of the excitement/energy at meeting someone new, and move on with your day

Note that last part: and move on with your day. Do not call back a second time, or a twentieth. The phone companies don't suck that much(*), and it's not helping your case to be 14 of her 16 missed calls.

And a brief note to call screeners – if someone puts in some effort to get to know you better, take it as a compliment. When possible, do try to reciprocate, even in rejection… It makes you bolder and more interesting/classy if done politely, and while it may initially sting the caller, they will be far less hurt and/or confused than the ones who seemed to hit it off with you and never hear back.

(* Okay, I lied, they do suck, a lot, but just not typically in terms of losing call logs/voicemails/etc)

The first time you call someone, should you leave a message or call back later?

There are two clear answers to this:

1. She must not only be called immediately, but she needs to be the one who puts her number in your phone, so you can verify the number works. If there isn't enough interest for this dorky parting game, there's not enough interest, period.
2. For the second call (okay, technically the first real call), the next day, and as others have well covered, with a generous attempt to accomodate both your schedules… Again, figuring out when she's free to take a call the next day gives you a few more things to squeeze from that initial conversation… Be subtle, but informed enough to know when to call.

How long are you supposed to wait to call a girl after she gives you her phone number?