Deano’s answer to: “I got a phone number from a girl, then found out she lives an hour away. What do I do?”

[ DISCLAIMER – the following are general-use guidelines, and no longer fully capture a set of "next steps" for the original querent, apart from step 2. ]

You do the same thing when you get any other number:

  1. Call back within a day or two, and invite her to be part of your plans[*].
  2. Continue to get more numbers.

Follow this amazing two step plan, and you will quickly start to do a few things:

  • Individual number "wins" will mean less to you, since they will seem less rare overall – most women already have a bit of this advantage, they can more objectively measure the merits of a potential mate due to perceived 'options'. You must strive to also have this objectivity, even if you have no desire for alternate date selections.
  • If you are still interested despite the inconvenient drive and other (more local) options, then just go with that feeling and see how it develops. Sitting in your room, you can always think up reasons why just about anything won't work. Only by making real-world effort can you find out how often you are wrong about this.

Basically, the most important thing in deciding whether or not to date someone is establishing firmly that the desire to do so comes entirely from within you. Dating people because they are hot for you, or even because they are within a certain distance, is almost always a bad idea. The only real benefit of dating someone close by is that it's usually less hassle to arrange the right number of dates to figure out you shouldn't have any more.

[* As for plan specifics, I highly recommend initially focusing not on traditional dinner dates (even with your "unique spin") – but rather on keeping your own individual social calendar filled with opportunities{†} that you would love to attend by yourself, and then inviting them along if you think they would also enjoy that activity without you. This results in giving your love interest the impression that you do have a life already without him/her, date itineraries that contain more ways to win than lose, and also far less pressure on producing a specific outcome… Leaving you both free to let whatever will happen, happen, in the least artificial manner possible. ]

{† Recursive footnotes – interesting… Anyway, as Brian Fey mentioned, at least for a first date, it's not a bad idea to eliminate as many of her obstacles as possible, including her travel time to/from the date location… To meld the two ideas together, once you meet someone who is outside your usual "sphere of activity", simply start researching events for your standard interests in the new location – especially for a place like the bay area, this can help greatly and quickly collapse the "six degrees" of your social/hobby circles, as you will inevitably start meeting people who know people you know 'back home'. }

I got a phone number from a girl, then found out she lives an hour away. What do I do?

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