Deano’s answer to: “What is the best way to break up with my fiancee?”

Can't pull the band-aid off much slower than this… Tell me, does it really feel any better?

Not being able to honestly communicate with your fiancée sets an extremely bad precedent for any potential marriage. To cave because her tears shows you both to be extremely selfish people –

  • her for the manipulation itself (intentional or subconscious),
  • and you for not wanting to be the cause of her hurt

Good relationships aren't formed on avoiding hurt feelings, but rather on making the inevitable hurt feelings more than worth it, and using them to help you grow stronger together.

If you really want to get through this process with minimal pain and anguish, you'll need to:

  • Withstand her tears, and know that the pain she feels is something within her, not caused by you.
  • Use Nonviolent Communication techniques, or even simple E-Prime language to best describe your own feelings, and ask her to respect them.
  • Make sure it's what you really want, then get it done as quickly and respectfully as possible.

The sooner the two of you have split, the sooner you can both move on with your lives. Get. It. Done.

Also, as an aside, consider this – if you think the nature of your work could influence any personal relationship directly, you probably need a little more time for personal introspection, and/or much more practice in effectively communicating your desires in life with any potential future partner.

What is the best way to break up with my fiancee?

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