Author: Deano

In a word? Novelty.

I talk to myself every day – and I pretty much know, based on years of such interaction, what I'm likely to say back. Now and then, I'll surprise myself, and feel an immense creative spark, or "unsticking" of a problem… But 9 times out of 10, that process is much faster if the majority of the talking is done with other humans, who carry different life histories, perspectives, and conversational styles.

It's the newness, the surprise, and the unexpected delight (or, sure, sometimes horror) of interpersonal interaction that makes them so powerful a force in our lives.

Why do people talk to each other?

The easiest guide is "when they ask for it, or are uncomfortable with a lack of privacy".

This is the rule that is the informal basis of mixed parent-child groups attending Japanese publlic baths – right now, I have no issues bringing my 3 year old with me to the men's bath… But eventually, she's gonna start noticing a whole lot of weiners, without matching buns and condiments, and she'll start saying things like "I can wait for mommy to go".

For slightly more difficult things like multiple children sharing a bedroom, you need to compare available resources, the genders of the involved children, and also any other underlying factors (fighting, for example) that may be the root of the desire for their own space.

Ultimately, it's going to be issues around when it's appropriate for you as a parent to invade your child's privacy for the greater good… And that usually doesn't happen until they're a lot more independent, and old enough to generally understand the benefits of privacy.

So long as you have some clear guidelines to communicate/negotiate with your child, and behave consistently within them, then you should have the restrictive/punitive side covered… And letting everything else "fall into place naturally" as far as when they start receiving/earning privacy is going to map best to your individual child's development process.

Some kids figure out that they don't want to be naked at the beach really early on – and some kids make it into their 90s without every having this realization. Best not to try and enforce any rules that don't risk your child's safety or incur you specific trouble with The Law™ before they show some sign of wanting/being ready to accept such rules, and the attendant benefits they provide.

At what age does a child earn or require privacy?

Feelings are perceptual, and thus always real to the person feeling them.

Actions, however, are pretty much real to everyone who experiences or is affected by them – and either or both females' own reciprocal feelings may certainly change or even become less "real" as a result of the action (cheating) mentioned.

If a guy cheats on his girlfriend with his ex, does he not have real feelings for either girl?

I won't recommend giving up at work, but it really is hard to overcome those prior impressions. Take it from me – I survived a workplace demotion from department head to line worker, and slogged through another year with the same company before I had fully recovered.

Two points of attack I would suggest:

• A concerted effort to put on that "new face" to any new employees who come on board – they will likely make a lot of their own decisions before they completely trust their peers/boss' assessments in general, and especially about coworkers outside their team/department.
• Focus the high energy/excitement/passion work outside the workplace. Volunteer with an SPCA or the like. Take cooking classes. Whatever you do, make it something you'll be likely to keep up with even when things get a bit busy/stressful… These outside activities also expand your network, and give you much needed "filler" on the resumé in many cases. Look around you, I bet you can think of a few coworkers who even reference such interest – artwork or handicrafts in their work areas, the occasional girl scout troop cookie drive, or a big dish of something to share in the lunchroom. Having outside interests is a demonstration of high value (DHV – a pickup term, ack, but let's run with it!), and being able to demonstrate value in one field has various potential transfers to other areas. At the very least, it gives people a non-work-related reason to talk to you at work – and sometimes your impressions of what people think about you and your productivity/skills/potential are entirely driven by work experiences. Being able to moderate those interactions with more neutral topics helps you not get caught in a negativity spiral that is otherwise very very difficult to escape.

Just doing those two things consistently, or even combine them (bring a plate of cookies to each new employee when they first start out – then they appreciate you, and can let everyone else who drops by for one know where they got them), and you should start noticing your energy and enthusiasm rising again, to the point where you'll be getting better assignments/involvement/support where you are, or at least feel better about looking for a new role in a new organization.

How do I recover professionally from depression?

Never having told someone how they really felt, at a time when it would've made the most difference.

What do people regret most before they die?