Author: Deano

Yup. But neither illegal, nor terribly frowned upon by men, who are mostly happy if the tactic results in a greater-than-normal influx of female patrons.

Sexism, in practice, is a highly subjective issue… Sexism where men are the object-victims generally needs to really "raise the bar" before the average man will care – after all, protesting ladies' night is more likely to eliminate such an event, rather than secure any sort of "guys' night" equivalent – the net result being fewer women at the bar/club.

You could also argue a sexist angle in which women are suffering from the benefit of ladies' night, since it basically urges conformity to a dynamic wherein women "pay admittance with their bodies", which commodifies them on some level. I'm not sure many men would be sympathetic to that argument, however.

As to the point about drink specials – I refuse to accept any argument that reducing or increasing the price of an alcoholic beverage in any way removes an individual's responsibility to monitor and pace their own drinking, or that such variable pricing has a direct relationship or responsibility to non-consensual drunken sex play. If that were true, CostCo would be the booze-rape capital of the world.

Interestingly, in at least some places where such objections have been lodged, I have seen/heard of clubs that have replaced their ladies' night with "miniskirt night", or "heels night", and happily admit men for free who are willing to wear the appropriate attire. To me, this is a win on a number of levels, since any man who wishes free entrance will, at least in some small way, have a greater understanding of the objectification of women in modern western society.

Are ladies' nights sexist?

It could be as simple as agreeing with one's partner to only eat unhealthy desserts in front of each other(*), and then sneaking a Frosted Pop Tart as a treat during an especially hard work day… Perhaps if it had been a quick breakfast purchase, it wouldn't even be "cheating" in context… But since it's a reward, presumably unrelated to actual caloric intake needs, it breaks the rule. And it's breaking the rule that's ultimately the bad thing, not which rule was broken.

To that end, I'd say that cheating is anything that steps outside previously-established boundaries, without prior re-negotiation of limits.

Where people tend to get into trouble, is that they don't treat such "small infractions" like the Pop Tarts as seriously and consistently as larger gaffes (kissing a coworker after a long post-work drinking session, say), and thus set up internal dissonance and misunderstandings about "the rules", and how bad it is to bend/break them.

Equally common, is just running a relationship based on mutual prior assumptions of what would be allowed, rather than creating the rules from scratch in a manner that creates an "optimal fit". In the startup world, the equivalent is trying to skimp on legal fees by stealing a competitor's TOS page from their web site, and find-and-replacing in a different company name. It might work for a while, and it's certainly a great strategy for a "doomed" effort, because it saves money/time/energy… But the more successful you are, the more a can of worms it becomes, and the harder it becomes to resolve before something truly bad happens.

In the relationship coaching I do, and the singles I see, both of the above trouble spots represent the bulk of frustration with a struggling relationship, even when no one is "breaking the rules". Ideally, rather than relying on their own preconceived notions, or even the definitions of others like me, each active member of a relationship should create, communicate, and collaborate on their own definition of and boundaries around cheating, and then stick with that.

If that sounds like too much work for something that should "just be understood, based on traditional mores", then you may be wise to also adopt another common tradition: turning a blind eye to cheating for the sake of the relationship.

Now does all that work I mentioned really still sound so bad? 😉

(* For those in relationships looking to lose a few pounds, this works pretty well if you can stick to it.)

How do you define cheating in a romantic relationship?

A few quick points:

• Everyone makes mistakes.
• Do you really want your friends to control your love life?
• Doing hurtful things does not make you a hurtful person.
• Forgiving and Forgetting Are Two Different Things.

Ultimately, only you can determine whether or not you have the personal emotional strength to move forward with the relationship… If you're both willing and desire to do so, then the main issue you'll need to work on is how to rebuild trust between you, and how best to negotiate the boundaries of your relationship moving forward. Most of the time, cheating isn't about the sex, but rather about the betrayal/deception/lack of fidelity inherent in the act.

Depending on how bothered you are by the one night stand itself, you may even look into alternatives to the monogamous relationship style. Sometimes, the love you have can grow and thrive, regardless of what other loves may exist.

Assuming you'd like to continue the relationship, and that you would like it to remain monogamous, then the best thing to do is to stop leaning on your friends for support, and open yourself directly to your girlfriend – try to discuss how you feel about what she did, rather than about what she did wrong. Right or wrong, if it hurts you, that's all that matters in the context of your relationship. If she listens, and indicates a sincere desire to move forward, then set more explicit boundaries and limits – perhaps certain parties or outings tend to provoke her drinking to excess, for example, and should be avoided, or attended with you or not at all.

Finally, you finish your question by saying "I just love her too much to let go. :("… To me, the direct opposite should be true – if you truly love her, and respect yourself, you need to be willing to let her go.

Otherwise, it's entirely possible that at some level, you're more in love with having a girlfriend, then in love with your specific girlfriend. And that, my friend, does not bode well for long term happiness, and could even foreshadow a damaging cycle of emotional or even physical violence between you.

What should I do if my girlfriend got drunk and had a one night stand with a stranger?

I'm calling the Quora-Police (Quops?), because this is two, two, two questions in one!

Okay, okay, I'll call them later, after I've properly answered your binary call for help, and sliced a few tin cans and/or tomatoes with it.

Question 1: Where can I find true love?

Not to sound too granola-hokey-new-ageist about it, but:

• True love is found within. We all carry our own unique truth, so finding true love is necessarily a 'journey internal'… Though, if you are open to what you find, and willing to put in the work, it need not be a 'journey eternal'.

Question 2: How can I find true love?

Argh! I'm channeling hippies it seems, but at least that explains the smell:

• Stop looking for true love. Instead – look for fun, adventure, romance, excitement, relaxation, comfort, challenge, opportunity, or a chance to serve. The more of each you find, the closer you'll be. Don't stress about finding them all in one place.
• Start listening for true love. Really, really listening. Absorbing the words and actions of those around you. And, of course, your own. Not judging, mind you, or assessing, or even understanding. Juuuuuust… Liiiiiiistening. See how hard that is? It's hard for a reason: it's worth doing. Lots. And again, the better you get at it, the closer you'll be.

Where and how can I find true love?

It's pretty simple:

He or she is able to freely manipulate the code of the Matrix at will, displaying feats of superhuman prowess even Agents are unable to duplicate.

How do you know if you've found "the one"?