Category: Q & A

I'm calling the Quora-Police (Quops?), because this is two, two, two questions in one!

Okay, okay, I'll call them later, after I've properly answered your binary call for help, and sliced a few tin cans and/or tomatoes with it.

Question 1: Where can I find true love?

Not to sound too granola-hokey-new-ageist about it, but:

• True love is found within. We all carry our own unique truth, so finding true love is necessarily a 'journey internal'… Though, if you are open to what you find, and willing to put in the work, it need not be a 'journey eternal'.

Question 2: How can I find true love?

Argh! I'm channeling hippies it seems, but at least that explains the smell:

• Stop looking for true love. Instead – look for fun, adventure, romance, excitement, relaxation, comfort, challenge, opportunity, or a chance to serve. The more of each you find, the closer you'll be. Don't stress about finding them all in one place.
• Start listening for true love. Really, really listening. Absorbing the words and actions of those around you. And, of course, your own. Not judging, mind you, or assessing, or even understanding. Juuuuuust… Liiiiiiistening. See how hard that is? It's hard for a reason: it's worth doing. Lots. And again, the better you get at it, the closer you'll be.

Where and how can I find true love?

It's pretty simple:

He or she is able to freely manipulate the code of the Matrix at will, displaying feats of superhuman prowess even Agents are unable to duplicate.

How do you know if you've found "the one"?

You do have feelings for your ex. You just don't have (or at least don't want to have) actions for her.

The distinction is important – it's okay to be bothered by your feelings, so long as you don't act on them in a fashion that externalizes the negativity, and harms your ex, her new boyfriend, and/or their relationship.

The best solution, hokey as it sounds, is to accept those feelings, really dig into them, and work on figuring them out. Do they disappear when you yourself have a relationship, or even a date? Do they lessen or increase when you remember the good (or the bad) you shared together? Figure it out.

Then, as best you can, work on venting the bothered feeling safely, diffusing it into mere nostalgia, or crystalizing it into a commitment to bettering yourself and your future relationships.

More than anything, it sounds like you need to transition from a mindset in which you've lost something, or failed to keep hold of someone, into a disposition of having successfully completed your relationship. Outlook and attitude count for a lot, and showing that you can embrace and survive failures – rather than mourn or dwell on them – is a highly attractive trait to future potential mates.

Why does it bother me that an ex-girlfriend I no longer have feelings for is going out with another guy?

Drugs. The only realistic answer is that your girlfriend is part of a drug smuggling ring. Based on the fact that it's a Japanese restaurant, I'd guess heroin, or possibly crack-type Pokémon.

Seriously, though, I'm tempted to modify this question to say "why would a caring boyfriend ask Quora about his girlfriend's suspicious/random/hurtful behavior, instead of simply asking HER?"

For anyone in a waitstaff job, kanoodling with customers is dangerous – you can give the wrong impression not only to your boss/coworkers, but to other CUSTOMERS that you are a flirt/tease. On the flip side, if you know how to flirt effectively, without giving anyone any "big ideas", it's entirely possible to measurably improve your tips by appearing to be single/available, even if it never comes up in conversation.

My basic advice would be this: mention it in passing, not as something that bothers you, but with a curiosity for "how things work", and whether the issue is specfic to her restaurant, culture, nationality, career, gender, family, etc. Oh yeah, and HAVE THAT ACTUALLY BE THE CASE. 😉

If it's truly going to bug you until she quits her job or gets on the PDA train, then I'd suggest a corrective course of individual therapy, or the smoothest possible breakup you can manage.

Why would my girlfriend hide the fact that I'm her boyfriend while she's working in a Japanese restaurant?

Banh Mi Hot Dogs, by Deano (4 servings)

Ingredients:

• 4 premium quality hot dogs or other "neutrally spiced" sausage
• sweet French-style baguettes (total length equivalent to length of hot dogs)
• mayonnaise (Kewpie FTW)
• medium cucumber (sliced lengthwise into thick sticks)
• thin sliced jalapeño pepper (optional, if you like to bring the heat)
• 8-12 fresh cilantro sprigs
• pickled carrot & daikon (secondary recipe you can prepare a day or two in advance, really easy/good master recipe here: http://www.vietworldkitchen.com/… )

Preparation:

Cut baguettes to the length of your selected sausages, then cut about 3/4ths of the way through the "buns" to create an opening for the filling. Spread mayonnaise on both sides (don't be stingy, just sensible) of the baguette interiors, then close the buns and set aside.

Prepare sausages as you normally would – for this recipe, I use footlong premium hot dogs, boiled.

Around 5-7 minutes before serving, place baguettes into a preheated oven set to ~275ºF (the warm slightly crusty buns really make this dish).

Remove buns from oven, fill with meat and toppings to taste, and enjoy!

My typical layering scheme is:

• meat
• cucumber
• jalapeño
• cilantro sprigs
• daikon and carrot pickle

This generally ensures that the pickle (usually the coolest/wettest ingredient) stays pretty far from the meat, which should stay hot longer tucked cozily at the bottom of your baguette-bun.

Note: while the cilantro sprigs will likely still be visible, this can hide the presence of the jalapeño, so you may wish to throw an extra slice or two on top as a warning. 😉

This recipe looks and tastes very impressive, without very much work on your part. If you have a hot plate and a toaster oven, you can make this.

Still, I'd highly recommend you take one last bit of advice here, and suggest you change your plans:

Instead of showing off your cooking skills to your ex, why not show them off to a brand NEW date, and then post the delicious pictures on your blog/facebook/twitter/instagram/etc for your ex to randomly see? Seems like that would be the REAL way to get her goat, while expending your efforts in the kitchen with someone who may actually appreciate the gesture as much as the results.

What is a great meal, ideally Asian, to make for my ex-girlfriend to show her what a fool she is for dumping me?