Category: Q & A

While we claim to enjoy our "hidden gem" status, I do highly recommend Alameda as a great place to live if working in SF. The options for travel (Bus, Bus+BART, Car, Ferry) allow you to compensate for many types of traffic issues, including total Bay Bridge shutdowns (happened during a bomb threat a few years back… 300 people on the ferry WAS a bit much, but we still zoomed across the water in 20 minutes).

The neighborhoods vary from very reasonable to quite expensive, but there are many options up and down the rent/own ladder, and thus also a very interesting mix of individuals and families of all races/ethnicities/ages. 

There are two "downtown" areas with major shopping centers/service providers, a big mall, a beach and nature preserve facing the bay (great kite boarding I hear). Very pet and child friendly town and businesses. A great modern library (not open nearly enough). A movie theater that never should've been built, but still provides a nice option to see a first run movie with little risk of a packed auditorium. 😉

There are several niche/boutique bars, including the famous Forbidden Island Tiki Lounge… But nightlife on the island leaves a bit to be desired most nights. Still, if you want to go out, you hop in your car, and in 25 minutes or so you're parked at the 5th and Mission garage. Extrapolate from there… 

On the East Bay side, you're a quick drive/bus ride to downtown Oakland, with a fairly hopping scene there, shopping and dining options in Jack London Square, Emeryville, and even Berkeley. All within a 30 minute radius (with "normal" traffic). 

Lots of "big box" shopping (Home Depot, WalMart, CostCo, etc) to the south on the 880… And again in light traffic, you can start to hit Santa Clara/San Jose in 45-55mins.

Overall, Alameda is a great place for a married couple, especially if you're pondering a child or pet. All the excitement of the city is a half hour away, but things are nice and quiet and even reasonably clean… It's like a cheaper version of the Richmond or Sunset districts, maybe. And the bridge/tunnel access does seem to have a distinct effect in lowering the overall crime rate.

On the downside, there's still a very "townie element" to the place, especially in government administration and the older more established businesses. The perceived corruption level at the mayoral/town council level is pretty high. Most of the time, that's not really going to matter to you, but it does mean that at every decisive juncture, where Alameda could possibly take some innovative/leadership role in city planning/green tech/urban renewal/etc, they're likely going to mysteriously vote against progress at the last minute for reasons that are not entirely clear. Not to get too sensational, but we still have no idea why the mayor two terms ago committed suicide… That investigation went by pretty darn quick.

And with that, you have the basics… Surrounding communities are also pretty decent – Oakland is grimier and crimier for a similar price point (or downright dangerous for not much cheaper), San Leandro and Hayward are snoozefests, Emeryville is the little-1-square-mile-postage-stamp-that-could, and if you can't stand being more than walking distance to Ikea, is probably your best bet. Berkeley is pricey, filled with crazy hippies turned crazy conservatives, and most of the town closes at 6pm, on the two and a half days a week the worker-collective-owners allow the shops to open. 😉 Richmond is… occasionally in the news for reasons I don't even want to think about.

Really, Alameda is just plain awesome. But Shhhh! Don't tell anyone I told you!

Where is the best value for housing within a 30-45 minute commute of San Francisco?

If they are white, and you can say it without laughing, "Bay Arean".

Otherwise, the proper term is "Flakey".

What do you call someone from the San Francisco Bay Area?

My wise Uncle Pete(*) once passed this advice to me(†) as he drove me home from Pee-Wee Soccer in his rad van(˚) one summer afternoon:

• cherry and strawberry-flavored Pixy Stix poured straight on your tongue will fill your mouth and saliva with sweet flavor for approximately 24 minutes, without horribly discoloring it the way, say, grape or blue raspberry-flavor would.
• In a pinch, any red Jolly Rancher, allowed to melt in the mouth without biting/chewing it, will provide a similar benefit, though for about half as long.
• Under no circumstances is Lik-M-Aid to be used as a substitute to either of the above solutions.

If none of these seem to work out for you, perhaps consider taking a breather from kissing entirely.

Make it a challenge for the whole family, with your children as the judges/referees, ensuring compliance. Giving them a leadership role like this can help to show that you trust and respect them and their decisions.

Also, find a healthy alternative method of expressing affection with your children (with a whole Internet out there, I'm sure something's been invented by now), and use it consistently in place of kisses. 10-20 pushups should do the trick, and may even slowly open their eyes to the benefits of the more subtle kiss. If not, at least they'll have some badass imposing biceps and pectorals to show for it the next time a stranger tries to pick them up in his van.

(* not really my uncle)
(† non-verbally)
(˚ redundant, I know)

My young kids think kisses are gross. Not in a fun, little kid kind of way; it's become an issue in our family. How do we bring the love and positive emotions back to kissing in our family?

The same way they would react when non-butch lesbians, non-lesbian butches, or non-butch-non-lesbians get physically violent:

• By clearly indicating no offensive intentions, and no desire to fight,
• By disarming the situation if at all possible to get everyone back to their "happy place", or
• By retreating or defending their position as necessary to survive until escape is achieved, or local authorities can intervene.

How should straight men react if lesbians get physically violent?

The worst place to be gay? The Appendix.

• When it's not interfering with things, you feel somewhat personally insulted that the gay part of you is basically useless, or that you've somehow 'evolved out of needing it'.
• When it's causing trouble, it's even worse – "removing the gay bits" makes you feel better, and you get ice cream afterwards[*]. It's like being Born Again Christian for the day.
• The word itself sounds like an adult software store for android devices – it's a little too open to puns and innuendo, while remaining otherwise completely un-sexy.

[*I'm reasonably sure this is true, since I saw it on the Brady Bunch.]

What is the worst place to be gay?