Author: Deano

You have many advantages as a geek that will help you in dating in the US, especially in SFBA/SV… With a little patience, even the accent will become an extreme attractor if handled correctly.

I realize this is a bit over personalized/focused as an answer on Quora… In the more general case, immigrants should do more or less what local geeks do – find 1-2 easily communicable ways to show off one's particular geekiness, take small focused steps each day – tracking progress as you go, and treat the entire experience as a CBT exercise or other scientific study… That way, your particular missteps are more instructive and useful, and less demoralizing.

Anyway, offer stands, you're totally NaviDate member material, and once our local events get started (BADDEST, see my profile for more info), you'll definitely have a large field of female geeks to pick from at least once every couple weeks or so. 😉

How should a geeky immigrant find (and hit on) a local geeky woman?

I love the easy questions!

You don't.

Don't confuse your own needs and frustrations with those of your girlfriend.

• If she's happy to give rides/money/etc to her friend, respect that.
• If you are feeling neglected/hurt/attacked by the friend's actions or behaviors, express that directly and with clear examples of how you were physically/emotionally injured.

You goal isn't to force or even convince your girlfriend to take your desired action(s), nor is it to lay down some form of ultimatum. Simply be open to sharing your feelings, and your desires around your shared relationship, without stepping on your girlfriend's other connections or her own feelings.

If she cannot listen to your point of view, and is unwilling to work with either or both of you on an amicable resolution, then the real question is this: why stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect your feelings, and isn't interested in working on improving your relationship?

And while it should go without saying, be open to compromise. It's not about getting everything you want, but rather about being confident that you are free to share these types of issues/feelings with each other without fear of reproach.

How do I get my girlfriend to stop talking to a girl who is not really her friend?

Well, in the literal sense, he wouldn't be a "loser of virginity", anyway. 😉

Seriously, though, I'd say more like "patient and selective", overall.

Still, one is young for only so long, and in homosexual circles, there seems to be something particularly prized about YOUNGER gay men… So, one fairly common negative about waiting is potentially reducing the size of the available pool of willing mates. Heterosexual women have much the same problem.

The key is, there's very little lost if none of those "yummy candy" type sex partners aren't what you're looking for outside the bedroom if all you want is a relationship. That said, for a lot of people, good sex is a very important part of their relationships… So again, waiting too long may keep you from finding out that you're a ravenous man-whore who thrives on random bootylicious action.

Overall, again, I'd say it's your choice, but personally I'd love to see the definition of losing virginity redefined as the SECOND time you have sex – so you can make a conscious decision based on personal experience. Then, perhaps, everyone could discount the whole "how do you know if you've never tried" aspect of things, while they still have those hour-long erections of youth that might otherwise stay off the market.

Would a 25-year-old homosexual man who's never had sex be considered a "loser"?

It's always a trap, for one of you:

• either she's trapped into a mode of thinking about you, herself, and your shared relationship that is based on some objective sense of "perfection that can be achieved"…
• Or you are trapped by the idea that you need to answer stupid questions earnestly just because you care about the person asking you.

That said, here are three equally stupid answers that would set you free in most cases:

• "I'd make you a wealthy billionaire heiress, so that you could always have your hearts' desire, and whenever your hoity-toity friends asked what you were doing with a chump like me, you could simply curl your beautiful lips into a smile and know the secret they've yet to figure out – that there are some things that money will never be able to buy, like our love for each other."
• "I'd give you Chewbacca's head, Darth Vader's arms, Luke Skywalker's body, and C-3P0's legs."*
• "I'd change the route you took to lunch the day before we met, so that we could catch each others' glance as we passed on the street, and I could spend the night dreaming of the day we'd meet again – totally unaware it would be the very next day."

—-(footnotes)—-
* Then, when her head stopped shooting flames and spinning around, add, "Chewbacca's head so that no matter how incoherent you think you are, everyone would always understand what you're saying; Darth Vader's arms, so you could choke a bitch without touching her; Luke Skywalker's body so you'd know in your heart you were meant for something special; and C-3P0's legs, because you'd have to paint them gold to make them any more scintillating."

When a girl asks what you would change about her if you could change something, how often is it a trap?

If your phone buzzes every time she sends one, then yes, it's time to worry.

Should I be worried that my girlfriend texts her ex-boyfriend till 4AM?